Wednesday, December 30, 2020

Cambridge Memories of My Dad

So already, my very sweet, very kind 94-year-old dad, Ben Soble, passed away peacefully on Saturday, December 12, one more of COVID-19's many victims. That's him to right, smiling proudly right before a holiday concert performance by his senior living community's choral group, which he joined as a 90-year-old. In my whole life, I'd never known my dad to be, or even to aspire to be, a choral singer. But at Orchard Cove in Canton, MA, music and companionship beckoned, and my dad heeded the call, with enthusiasm.

Needless to say, as the word spread that my dad had passed, many reached out to my sisters and me to share stories and memories. That's when it struck me that I had a very particular set of memories that members of my extended family might never know unless I wrote about them--though I suspect that what they reveal about my dad's nature and values will not surprise anybody. Hence this blog.

Geographically speaking, the memories I'm going to share are Cambridge-based, generated just north and northeast of Harvard Square. 

They are much related to my many years as a choral singer and public high school teacher. That's why on the adjacent satellite view, you see labeled Sanders Theater and the Swedenborg Chapel, where my various singing groups performed during my student- and post-student days, and Cambridge Rindge and Latin School, where I taught for twenty-six of my thirty-five years in public education.

It makes sense to begin with my student days: my parents were Sanders Theater regulars because they attended all of my Harvard-Radcliffe Collegium Musicum and Radcliffe Pitches concerts. 

My Parents, Two Years Ago--Not at Sanders Theater
When the Pitches sang our first-ever Sanders concert, my parents were warmly welcomed in the group's onstage introduction because  they'd provided so much support during the group's first year--among other things, my dad was always willing to lend his station wagon when we needed it.


Forty years later, when the original Pitches performed again at Sanders Theater, my parents were in the audience again--in roughly the same seats they'd sat in forty years earlier--and were again specially welcome by the group's emcee. You can imagine how thrilled they were! As one of "the girls," as my parents called them, wrote to me in a note last week, "Joan, your dad was such a wonderful 'Father' to all of the Pitches. We loved having your mom and dad in the audience, cheering us on, at all the really big Pitch concerts at Sanders."

After I graduated from college, I still sometimes sang in Sanders Theater as a member of Back Bay Chorale. Soon, though, my parents had to acclimate to crossing Quincy Street and heading to the Swedenborg Chapel in order to hear me sing. It was one of the places the Oriana Consort regularly performed. My husband Scott had already been a longtime member of the Oriana when I joined the group and first met him. 

As he had in the past, my dad quickly made a positive impression on my fellow singers in the Oriana Consort. One former member of the Oriana, someone I've come to know well during the last few years since I began singing in several Hingham-based groups,* put it this way: "I'm thinking of your father's bright smile, and of all the times I saw him, beaming, beside your pretty mother after a concert. His was one of my favorite faces to see in an audience, as he was so obviously delighted to be present."

Recently, the Oriana recently recorded a virtual choir performance of Stephen Paulus' "The Road Home"; if you watch all the way to the end, you'll see that my dad is one of the COVID-19 victims to whom the group dedicated their performance.  Sadly, several current members of the group have also lost parents.

My fellow former Oriana singer was right about my dad's general delight in being present: frequently when I asked him what he really liked in a concert, he'd tell me, "I liked it all." 

"Delighted to Be Present" at Marina Bay With My Cousins and Mom
He had that same embracing enthusiasm about family occasions, especially if they happened in restaurants where there was something new and different to eat: "I liked it all" was something my dad often said about lunches and dinners, too.  

CRLS Seen From Broadway

But back to Cambridge--and to Cambridge Rindge and Latin School (CRLS), where I taught for most of my public education career. For my first thirteen years at CRLS, I taught in  CRLS's democratic alternative school. 

Annually, the Pilot School produced a variety show in which the students sang, danced, rapped, and performed scenes and skits, many of which they wrote collaboratively.** The play was always too long, the school's theater was always too hot, but my parents came every year. They enjoyed watching the students relish being in a play that they had helped to conceptualize and write--and watching the students grow up. "The boy who had the lead in the ____ scene--I think he's eight inches taller than he was last year," my dad once remarked; "The girl who sang ___ --she lost a little weight since last year; and luckily, she didn't sing as flat as she did last year," my mother shared one year.

But it was the annual Pilot School Academic Festival, which featured students' best and most interesting academic work, that really spoke to my dad. CRLS was (and still is) a large urban high school necessarily charged with educating all kinds of students; and as a proud public school product himself whose immigrant parents had arrived in the USA speaking no English, my dad was perpetually interested in how--and how well--CRLS managed to meet the individual learning needs of its diverse student body.

Part of the CRLS Student Ceramic Mural Depicting the Students' Homes***

At every Academic Festival, there was always a table covered with student essays that attracted far less attention than the more visually appealing posters and projects displayed on the nearby walls and easels. But it was at that table that my dad always positioned himself and spent the evening reading students' papers. 

In the days following the Festival, my dad always had comments to make about what he'd read--and learned about the students. "One student had some very interesting ideas about The Scarlet Letter,"  he once remarked. "I was really surprised that a teenager would write with such excitement about the New Deal--but he needs to keep working on his writing skills," he said on another occasion. "I think your students have been learning some things about American history that I was never taught in school," he noted one year. That last remark led us into a whole discussion of dominant narratives and missing perspectives and voices.

That discussion mattered years later when the removal of Confederate monuments became a major issue across America--and in my parents' den at Orchard Cove. When my mother made a nostalgic "Gone with the Wind"-influenced argument for keeping the monuments in place, my dad persuaded her to change her mind with one really good question: "Thelma, would you have wanted to attend the Adolf Hitler Middle School?"

In addition to the topic of how the teaching of American history was changing, my dad was also interested in the pros and cons of standardized testing programs and the factors that made it easy and hard for non-English-speaking students to become proficient English speakers. A couple of years back, when there was a ballot question about charter schools, he asked me to provide him with readings so he could educate himself about the arguments for and against them. 

But as much as educational issues and debates interested him, ultimately it always came back to the students for my dad. He understood that events and experiences played important roles in the way the students saw themselves and their futures. I recall his concern in the early 1990s about how the kids were feeling, and what the school was doing, in response to the police beating of Rodney King; similarly, in 2013, he had questions about how the students were making sense of the Boston Marathon bombings, especially since the Tsarnaev brothers were CRLS graduates whom some of the kids knew personally.

Actually, the second cohort of Kimbrough Scholars
My dad was also attuned to the positive events and experiences that affected students' lives. When the first cohort of CRLS Kimbrough Scholars traveled to Mississippi to further civil and restorative justice efforts related to a Jim Crow-era cold case, he remarked, "These children will never forget that they got to work on something so important."

Whatever education-related topic we were discussing, the background question was always the same: what would give every public school student the best possible chance to succeed, to have a good present and future life? It definitely reflected the values of somebody who liked people, who believed all people deserved to have a comparable chance to embrace opportunity, who believed all people should get to feel good, at least some of the time.****


With the Arizona Sobles at The Townshend in Quincy in Fall 2019
He was also interested in what had become of the kids, something he knew I sometimes knew from Facebook. A few years back, when I told him a former student had opened a new restaurant in Central Square, his immediate response was "When are we going?" We never got to go to La Fábrica Central together, but we did have a great steak dinner at Davio's last winter right before the pandemic changed everything.

I'm starting to ramble, I know; so let me conclude by saying that I'm glad that I got to go to several of my dad's choral concerts over the last few years. It was least I could do, considering that he and my mother had attended 150 of my performances--I think this is a conservative estimate--over the years.

And so in honor my musical indebtedness to my dad--actually, I'm indebted to both of my parents for so many musical and nonmusical reasons--I end with some choral music. It's the second section of Tarik O'Regan's "Triptych,"  which begins at minute 4:29 of this YouTube link. The first part of the section sets an adaptation of a text--Roland Gittelsohn's meditation in The Gates of Repentance (1978)--that will be very familiar to many Jewish readers of this blog post; in fact, my nephew, who's a rabbi, included it in the materials he provided when he officiated at my dad's graveside funeral on December 15:

In the rising of the sun and its going down,
      we 
      remember 
      them.
In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,
      we 
      remember 
      them.
In the opening buds and in the rebirth of spring,
      we remember them.
In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer,  
      we remember them.  
In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn, 
      we remember them. . . .   
When [we're] weary and in need of strength,
      we remember them. 
When [we're] lost and are sick of heart,
      we remember them. . . .
So long as we live, they too shall live,
For they are now a part of us, 
      as we remember them. 
 
Thank you for reading all that I've shared here. It's comforted me to write this, to have shared with you some stories you may not have known, and to have listened again to the music embedded here. Happy New Year to all; and please, please stay very safe!

* Specifically, I've been singing in the Unicorn Singers and Broad Cove Chorale--the former a mixed group and the latter an all-women's group--and in the Crossroads Singers. The Crossroads Singers are a 6-person vocal ensemble that annually--at least when the world isn't in pandemic mode--offers 10 minutes of poetry-related seasonal musical entertainment at the annual Old Ship Church Winter Solstice Poetry Reading. Scott and I are two of the six.
** Note: the staff sang, too, so I count the Pilot Play among my performances that my parents attended, too.
*** Photo by Kristin Knowlton Daugherty; thanks, Kristin!
**** And definitely the question of someone who always chose to play golf at public golf courses, which often meant showing up and becoming part of a random foursome that was getting ready to tee off. Because he often did this at the Fresh Pond Golf Course on the Cambridge-Belmont line, he sometimes ended up playing with one or more of my CRLS colleagues. As a result, one of them always greeted me not with "Hello, Joan, but with "How's Ben?"

Tuesday, December 8, 2020

Open Hearts, Open Minds #7: Walking November

So already, during the first two weeks of November, I worried, like so many others did, about who won the presidential election, and then about whether our current president would manage to overturn democratic process and steal the election. Even when it became clear who would lead America in January, I couldn't stop my incessant news-watching.

Frustrated one day, I turned off my television, looked out my window--and just had to take myself to task: Wait! This is November! You love this month. What are you doing sitting in here when you could be out there? Yes, there's plenty of scary, ugly craziness going on in the world, but there are a few beams of hope, too. You can watch the news when it's dark outside and monitor the craziness then. It will be there.

That's when I decided to walk November. Does walking open the heart and mind? I'm not sure. What I do know is that I've come to feel in so much harmony with my walking world. Which may or may not mean that my heart and mind are open when I walk. Frankly, I don't think about my heart and mind while I'm walking: I just feel that harmony.

I share with you a poem below that can't decide whether to be about November or my walking of it. For sure, my walking became about more than just turning off the news. Your impressions and suggestions are welcome. 

Here's "Walking November, 2020."

I set out to walk November,
Always having loved the way 
Her slant-lit, muted grays and golds 
Stretched across the length of day, 
Then bowed to sunset’s unloosed fire. 
Harvesting her unclaimed moments, 
Abundant in this strangest year, 
I vowed to watch her truth unfold.

Many days of drifting mildness
Cheered me as I walked my pledge. 
Though not quite sure what was at stake, 
My legs divined that my intent 
Was more than for my body’s sake, 
So chose for me peripheral paths, 
That lengthened shortened afternoons 
And showed me places close but new--
‘Til pressing sunset, brash and bold, 
Urged me ‘round the trail’s next bend 
To watch November as she blazed, 
Late year’s seering prophetess.

Fierce with fury, ripe with 
     life,
Unperturbed by moonlit 
     winter 
Mustering in the bare-
     branched trees, 
November blared her 
     burnished truth: 
That waning light burns 
     no less bright— 
And may in fact burn 
     brightest.
 
The month’s last day was wind and rain--
A day that bade me stay at home. 
So with my legs curled up in rest, 
My heart and mind began this poem.

I set out to walk November
As if my life depended on it— 
And it did.

Friday, November 27, 2020

Open Hearts, Open Minds #6: Of Herons and Hearts

So already, in my last blog, when I talked about the power of the "entrances" of phenomena that jolt us into consciousness, I mentioned the appearance of a blue heron as an example of a natural phenomenon that might catapult us into a state of elation.

I write with a heron update today. Mid-day on Wednesday, though I had lots of Thanksgiving cooking to do, I took one of my usual marsh walks because it was one of those gray days that intensifies the marsh's November goldness. 

When I came out of one of the Merrymount Park's wooded trails, I immediately saw a blue heron tucked in close to the grasses on the opposite side of Black's Creek. He was having a pretty good fishing day.

More remarkably, he didn't seem to notice me at all and to take sudden, immediate flight: in my experience, herons are much more apt to move on when they sense a human presence than egrets are. 

I'd almost not taken my "real camera" with me, and then I'd reminded myself that you just never know what you're going to see, even when you walk the same walk multiple times a week. Realizing the heron seemed to be taking my presence in stride, I walked forward, taking my chances. No problem, it seemed; we were good with each other. Maybe he'd seen me around on days I hadn't seen him. I got a few really close shots of him and walked on; he just kept fishing.

A chance encounter? I don't know. But I tend to think not. 

As I've been thinking about the "serendipity" of Wednesday's meeting, I've thought of others' encounters with animals in nature on television and on film.

I think of Sister Monica Joan's encounter with the white stag in the 2019 Call the Midwife holiday special. One blogger captures the intensity with which the sister, resourceful as well as aging, plots and acts to encounter the white stag:

In Call the Midwife, the midwives travel to the Outer Hebrides Islands.  Sister Monica Joan, the aging mystic, wants to go along but is left at home.  She sneaks away from London and joins her sisters on the island where, pressing her hand to a standing stone, she sees a white stag and believes she’s had a vision of The Lord.  It’s glorious and I can’t imagine too many Pagans who watched the scene weren’t aware of exactly what was going on.*

The blogger doesn't believe Sister Monica Joan (my quasi-namesake, who's played by Judy Parfitt) saw "The Lord," but she and I would both agree that Sister Monica saw the white stag, and it was a peak experience for her, both joyful and settling. 

I also think of the encounter of Queen Elizabeth (played by Helen Mirren**) with the stag near Balmoral Castle soon after the death of the Princess Diana in the movie The Queen. As an NPR story explained,

The weight of recent events — the violent death of Princess Diana; pressure from Tony Blair and her own son to address the nation; an extremely hostile press — actually cause the stoic empress to break down in tears. Suddenly, a gorgeous, imposing imperial stag appears on a nearby hill. 

And for a few seconds, Mirren's face changes completely, showing, by turns, wonder, joy, recognition and fear at the animal's beauty. It's a stark contrast to the seemingly stone-faced woman we see throughout the film.***

My Black's Creek encounter wasn't as defining or transforming as Judy Parfitt's and Helen Mirren's characters' experiences were. Still, as Wordsworth might have put it, my heart leapt up.**** The heart does open.

* HecateDemeter. (2020, January 15). Must Be the Season of the Witch. hecatedemeter. https://hecatedemeter.wordpress.com/2020/01/14/must-be-the-season-of-the-witch/. Screenshot of photo in that blog.
*** Photo of Helen Mirren as Queen Elizabeth: https://cdn.theculturetrip.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/screenshot-02.jpg 
*** Blair, E. (2007, February 23). Glimpsing a Queen's Soul: 'The Stag Scene'. NPR. https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7577583. 
**** "My Heart Leaps Up" by William Wordsworth: https://poets.org/poem/my-heart-leaps

Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Open Hearts, Open Minds #5: Entranced by "Entrance"

So already, there is no truth to the rumor that the verb "entrance" and the noun "entrance" are related by etymology. That rumor was alive for several days, but only at my dining room table, where I do most of my writing and thinking during these pandemic days.

I wouldn't have thought about this had I not misread the word "entrance" in a moment of reading-context brain-deadness--also a pandemic-era problem.

My question about this possible connection--and with it, the possibility that entrances are intended to lead us to entrancement--led me to the Etymology Dictionary Online, where my theory crashed and burned.

entrance (n.)

1520s, "act of entering," from Middle French entrance, from entrer (see enter). Sense of "door, gate" first recorded in English 1530s. Meaning "a coming of an actor upon the stage" is from c. 1600.

entrance (v.)

"to throw into a trance," 1590s, from en- (1) "put in" + trance (n.). Meaning "to delight" also is 1590s. Related: Entranced; entrancing; entrancement.*

My next step was to look at the etymology of "trance." What I found fascinated me: 

late 14c., "state of extreme dread or suspense," also "a half-conscious or insensible condition, state of insensibility to mundane things," from Old French transe "fear of coming evil," originally "coma, passage from life to death" (12c.), from transir "be numb with fear," originally "die, pass on," from Latin transire "cross over, go over, pass over, hasten over, pass away," from trans "across, beyond" (see trans-) + ire "to go" (from PIE root *ei- "to go"). French trance in its modern sense has been reborrowed from English. As a music genre, from c. 1993.**

Not much to suggest delight here--and yet most people I know who would say that they were "entranced" by something would be speaking glowingly of whatever it was. I have to wonder how all these fear-, death-, and suspense-related etymological roots have led us 21st-century types to assign positive connotations to the verb "entrance." Are our daily lives generally so monotonous, so mundane, so stultifying that any experience of being transported out of them would be joyful? Suddenly, I'm thrust back to the poetry of Charles Baudelaire--the last stanzas of "Au Lecteur" and "Le Voyage": is ennui, a kind of listless boredom, so common an experience for us ("Au Lecteur")--especially during the pandemic--that we'd willingly journey anywhere to find something new ("Le Voyage") and captivating--even if that meant turning our fates over to Death, the captain of the ship. 

Maybe death is always the captain of the ship.

But let's forget death for a few paragraphs. I still believe that though many of are dying to transcend ourselves and our daily realities, we're not ready to die.

And death's not the only way to escape. Still, if I couldn't go out walking these days and my life was limited to this dining table, depriving me of the chance, for example, to feel enchanted by the sunset I saw last night on Wollaston Beach, I might be willing to journey almost anywhere to change things up--not a good idea during a pandemic! But thankfully there's nature and walking, at least for some of us.

But wait--suddenly, I have to think about "entrance" and "enchant," since I'm starting to use those verbs synonymously, whether or not I should. Here's what the Etymology Online Dictionary has to say about "enchant."

late 14c., literal ("practice sorcery or witchcraft on") and figurative ("delight in a high degree, charm, fascinate"), from Old French enchanter "bewitch, charm, cast a spell" (12c.), from Latin incantare "to enchant, fix a spell upon," from in- "upon, into" (from PIE root *en "in") + cantare "to sing" (from PIE root *kan- "to sing"). Or perhaps a back-formation from enchantment.***

Much of the magical-supernatural to be found here, more than we find in the roots of "entrance" the verb. A little more potential for the benign and delightful. Here's my analysis:

  • When we're entranced, we may actually be paralyzed literally, in some intense state of apprehension that we can't escape; particularly at the moment we realize we can't move though we'd like to, we experience fear and desperation. Imagine yourself frozen to the ground as you watch your first (and maybe your last) tornado barreling toward you . . .
  • In contrast, when we're enchanted,  we might at least temporarily revel in our powerlessness: during the many years I taught The Odyssey,  my students always wanted to talk about how much Odysseus actually enjoyed his long stay with Kalypso. Yes, he pined for home, but all that sex with Kalypso might have taken the edge of his pain, they surmised.

Whatever we're experiencing, we like the idea of communicating our immersion in states of intense delight by using the words "entrance" and "enchant." It may be our tendency to exaggerate just how delighted we are, and I wonder about that, too: do we have too much need to convey how "peak" our peak experiences are--or does pandemic-era life make every "less narrow" experience feel like a peak experience in contrast to the routine narrowness of our days?

So what about the noun "entrance," which is partially responsible for my journey down these etymological rabbit holes today? As I look at the stage-related language in the etymological information, I realize that sometimes we're the ones making the entrances, and at other times, we're encountering the entrances of other people and other things into our lives--for example, the entrance of the blue heron we startle into flight because we didn't see him wading silently in shadows. 

And then there's "entrance" as doorway--all those openings that beckon to us, and that we either walk by or pass through.

"Entrance" can take real courage, whether we enter by choice or not. Sometimes we stumble through or upon an entrance into another world or place, just by luck or accident, though some would dispute that such "opportunities" were merely random. Sometimes we pass through into a place that entrances, at least initially--think of Dorothy's first reactions to Munchkinland.  Sometimes we pass through into a place or state that we can make lovely and transformative, which may be one variety of enchanting or entrancing--think of the secret garden in Frances Hodgson Burnett's novel of the same title. 

Other times, an entrance leads us into a place filled with challenge and adventure, even danger. In a blog post entitled "The Most Magical Doorways in Literature," Rose Moore talks about Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy:

More doorways without literal doors, Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy is heavily influenced by the concept of other worlds and the possibility of doorways between them. The first such doorway appears at the end of the first book, The Golden Compass, when Lord Asriel blows apart the sky, creating a bridge between worlds. This dramatic creation is a one-off, however, and the (many) doorways that appear throughout the later books are made with the subtle knife – surgically cut between worlds, rather than roughly blasted through. The knife, wielded by Will Parry, can create a door to any other world – even into (and out of) the land of the dead.*****

The Subtle Knife is the second book in the trilogy; my copy actually has an "entrance" cut out of the front cover through which the subtle knife is visible. The book contains imagery of the Garden of Eden and the Fall. Let's just say that Odysseus and Lyra, the main character in Pullman's trilogy, share something besides multiple entrances into lands of dangerous enchantment: they are both the subject of prophecies. They also both have enemies who want them dead.

It may be that there's an important link between "entrance" and death always--just the other day a good friend of mine introduced me to a poem by Elizabeth Spires called "In Heaven It Is Always Autumn." I've been sharing it ever since. It's a happy, lovely poem about death, and also about November, one of my favorite months. Happy Thanksgiving.
 
Perhaps it's true that we can't open our minds and hearts to the deepest kind of loveliness of things without opening them to the naturalness and inevitability of death. Maybe I'll have more to say about this later.

* “Entrance (v.).” Online Etymology Dictionary, Douglas Harper, 2001, www.etymonline.com/word/entrance. 
** “Trance (n.).” Online Etymology Dictionary, Douglas Harper, 2001, www.etymonline.com/word/trance.  
*** “Enchant" (v.).” Online Etymology Dictionary, Douglas Harper, 2001, www.etymonline.com/word/enchant. 
**** Screen shot of book on Burnett, F. H. (1970, January 1). A Little Princess My First Classics. AbeBooks.com. https://www.abebooks.com/servlet/SearchResults?an=Frances+Hodgson+Burnett. 
****** Moore, R. (2016, November 25). The Most Magic Doorways in Literature [web log]. https://www.quirkbooks.com/post/most-magical-doorways-literature.